Longing

Sometimes I get this feeling of longing. And even though it's supposed to be a feeling of dissatisfaction, wanting something more, I really like the feeling.

Spring fever feels like this.

I want what I had last year at this time. I remember the trees, the flowers, the sunshine. It's like I'm coming awake again! I remember driving with the windows down, radio cranked up. I remember, literally, driving in J's jeep with the top down, listening to Benjamin Dunn's music and laughing together, our first date!

I remember feeling so free, like I held the world in my hands. I could do whatever I liked, and so could J. We were children of the King.

Yet, there was also a sense of longing, but good longing. It's like, we know there's more, and we are MOVING TOWARDS IT. Sometimes, it's not that we actually want to possess the thing we long for, it's just that we love the drive, the push to get it, the journey it takes. I feel empty without it.

I hate normalcy. I get restless when I'm stuck to one routine too long. I want that challenge. That push for something more.

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I've been thinking about freedom today. We are totally and fully free because of Jesus. I want to go do something awesome to exercise my freedom! I want to FEEL my freedom, want it to be manifested.

What happens when someone who's been a captive for 15 years is finally freed? He's been longing for freedom for so long... what happens when he finally gets it? Does he miss that old familiar feeling of wanting to be free, searching for a way out? Perhaps.

In the same way, romance is a lot about the pursuit, isn't it? All the fairy tales are about the prince and princess finding each other. What sort of story starts out with them finding each other and being happily ever after in 5 minutes? No, even if they meet at the beginning, there's something that keeps them apart until the end. They don't get married until just before the credits roll.

So what is it about our human nature that loves the pursuit? I guess that, while we LOVE desire, we CAN be fully satisfied once desire comes. Doesn't Proverbs say that "Hope deferred makes the heart sick?" If there's NO fulfillment to our expectations, we get super frustrated. I HATE movies that don't have happy endings! :)

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This all ties together with my thoughts about freedom. We ARE fully free in Christ - but sometimes, we still think like the old captive. We think we miss that feeling of longing, and can't let it go. While I do believe that God has put a longing in our hearts for our True Home (C.S. Lewis is big into this, and I love how he views this topic of longing!), I also believe that we don't experience the fulness of our freedom here and now because we are still dreaming of being set free. But He has already freed us from EVERYTHING!! On Good Friday, Jesus proclaimed, "It is finished." And He meant it! "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you," Jesus said. If we know Him, we have eternal life (John 17:3) - We have it already! I'm getting ready to let go of the longing that doesn't belong and embrace the joy that is mine in the present! :)