Kay in 2011

My 2011 story:

This story actually begins in 2010. That summer I had taken 2 seasonal jobs, one at a farmer's market and the other at a college bookstore. One night at the HOP in August, I felt God speaking to me about what I should do when these temporary jobs ended in October. I felt Him so strongly tell me that I should just work my Mary Kay business for the next two months (Nov-Dec) and then do a worship internship called Night Watch in January at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. I needed about $2000 for the internship and airfare, and I planned it all out how I could save up that much by January.

At the end of October I went to the Voice of the Apostles conference in Baltimore and had the time of my life!! God spoke to me SO much, and while I was there, one of my life-long dreams came true - I've always wanted to go to the Walter Hoving Home, a women's rehab center that had inspired me since I was 12, and volunteer there. I'd sent in my application in 2009, and it had gotten shoved in a file and been forgotten, but they had just rediscovered it and sent me an email, saying they needed a Mary Kay consultant to teach the women about skin care! Wow! What God had told me in August about focusing on Mary Kay was right on! I wouldn't be making money from this, but I had a chance to see firsthand how the kind of girls' home I want to run someday works.

For whatever reason, I wasn't able to save up $2000 by Christmas 2010. I was like, 'God, what are you doing?' But then I found out - Resting Place was starting up its own Night Watch internship in January! Whoa!! What perfect timing. I just didn't know where I would be interning because I didn't know this program was about to start up in my home state.

I took the job at the bookstore again in the beginning of January (I was short on cash), and by the end of the month, I was ready to do the internship here at home full-time.

That whole situation taught me that I could really trust God's voice, that I can hear Him, that He loves me, and that He loves to let me in on His plans for my life.

Now, about a month before I started Night Watch, I met this kid... Jason, I think his name was. Yeah, Jason Roe, that was his name. He started hanging around and coming to our Wednesday sets. But that's another story....

From Night Watch, to dating Jason, to starting J & Kay, to beginning work at a tutoring company called Brainstorm Tutoring, to working full-time at the tutoring center AND holding 10 private clients, to quitting the Center and working J & Kay pretty much full-time, 2011 has been the best year of my life... so far! There have been ups and downs, but the ups have FAR exceeded the downs, and God has been very faithful to me. I will follow Him wherever He directs me, because He has proven time and time again to be the perfect, loving Father who knows what's best for me and cares for me and my life better than I ever could on my own!

You can trust Him with your life, too. Just take it from me :)

- Kay

Listening

Listening is so important to God. He listens to us constantly, and wants us to listen to Him, too.

Tonight, J and I spent some time "soaking." We haven't done that together in a long time. There are a bunch of different things you can do to soak, but what we did tonight was put on some worship music (www.ihop.org/prayerroom/), sat on a couch, and took out our laptops in case we wanted to journal. We mostly sat and rested in God's presence, and listened for God's voice. He spoke to both of us.

Tonight He confirmed to me that He cares less about what we actually do and more about our motivation for doing it, and how it affects our relationship with Him. Sometimes, we feel unsettled about a situation not necessarily for the situation's sake, but because God is trying to get our attention and telling us to listen. There might be nothing wrong, but He just wants to reassure us of that by telling us Himself, because that helps build our trust in Him and teaches us how to hear better. How often do we forget to listen to Him, when He is always speaking to our hearts! He cares more about us and our well-being than we do, yet we absently forget about Him. Even though He's always with us, it's important to take time out of our days and focus our full attention on Him - like J & I did tonight. It's so healthy! It makes me feel whole.

I also realized something else tonight, which I shared with J: Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts and don't know where I went. I'm not an absent-minded person, at all, and I'll know I had been thinking something profound, but it's gone in an instant. I realize now that it's God speaking to my spirit things that I should know, just between me and Him. He goes past my mind and just communicates them to my heart. It's kinda cool! It changes me and makes me a stronger person. If that sounds weird to you, just take it or leave it, I won't be offended ;-)

Keep a listening ear out for God today!

- Kay

By Beholding, We Are Changed

I used to be a bossy, strict, know-it-all. Ask anyone who used to know me! Now I'm gentle and patient and kind... most of the time. What changed?

Spending time with Jesus. How cliche does that sound? But it's true. I started going to Resting Place House of Prayer and a little seed inside of me that God had planted there started to grow. I instantly felt connected to God in a way that I hadn't felt very often before - I won't say never felt before, because there have always been little snapshots of heaven that wove in and out of my life and would appear briefly when I least expected them. But here was a place where heaven met earth; where the supernatural and natural both became apparent simultaneously. This was new to me.

I went to HOP every week I could, mostly just to sit quietly in a back corner on the floor somewhere. Why? Because God was touching my spirit in that place. I don't know what He did or how He did it; I never had to figure it out with my head to make something happen; I never had to feel like I "learned" something for it to be a productive night, because every night I knew I was sitting at Jesus' feet, like Mary of Bethany in Luke 10. It wasn't about "learning" it was about "being." Jesus said "one thing is needful," and my spirit and soul confirmed that this was that One Thing.

This is called “soaking.” It’s just sitting and soaking in a God-filled atmosphere like a little sponge. I’ll probably be using this term in future blogs, so that’s what I mean when I say, “I was soaking yesterday, when…” Lol.

It was this soaking time that changed me. 2 Corinthians 3:18 says:

“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

I remember in the sequel to Pilgrim’s Progress, Christian’s wife, Christiana, learned this lesson, and it became a mantra for them: “By beholding, we are changed.” The more we are with someone, the more they rub off on us. The more time we spend with Jesus, the more He rubs off on us. The more we look at Jesus, the more we begin to look like Him.

This is a very powerful lesson. How does this affect us practically? What does it mean to “soak”? I’ll talk about that subject another time.... :)

- Kay

It's All Psychological

What is in our mind can affect what is real, but it doesn't have to.

I was just watching The Twilight Zone with my family. Almost all of the old TV episodes teach awesome moral lessons... but sometimes they also leave you with an edgy, creepy feeling. We were just watching the Twilight Zone movie from the 60s or 70s, and man, the 3rd story is freaky!! I mean, when I think about it, it's totally not; it's about a boy whose every wish comes true. If he wishes to eat ice cream for dinner, he gets his way; if he wishes his sister would shut up, she literally becomes mouthless. Everyone around him is terrified of displeasing him. The main character, a kind young school teacher he befriended, eventually convinces him to let her teach him only to use it for good. Moral of the story? Be careful what you wish for. So true! - let God be God, He's the only one who could ever handle it!

But that's not what's forefront on my mind tonight. I was mostly thinking about the icky, creepy feeling that story gave me; it wasn't the story itself as much as how it was done. Everything from the music to the crooked angle shots to the storyline was trying to make you feel fear.

Let's talk about fear. It can be amusing to scare ourselves - that's the draw of rollercoasters and horror films. But we all have our own limitations. Sometimes we let ourselves go further than we would like to be scared, if we really thought about it. There's being startled, and real terror, and several feelings in between.

Sometimes I feel so afraid when there’s absolutely nothing to be scared of. After I got up from the couch tonight, I didn’t particularly want to be alone in the dark! What made tonight different from any other night? My emotions. My thoughts.

Thoughts can affect our reality. But they don’t have to. My thoughts totally affected how I felt tonight, and made my environment entirely different than they could have been if I had watched an episode of the Flintstones instead. But my thoughts don’t create monsters where there are none… they only seem to. And that makes them, in a sense, “real” to my mind. My psyche – and my body tension – react to these perceptions.

I believe in the supernatural. I believe negative forces can take advantage of my susceptible brain and cause fear in my heart to exponentially increase where, before, I felt none. But I also believe that there are positive forces – angels, and the Holy Spirit – that are way more powerful, and by speaking the TRUTH over my life (see a previous post, Never Fear), speaking the Word of God aloud, especially, the lies will totally lose any power they would otherwise have had over me. My heart is instantly calmed when I really dwell on verses like, “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?” (Psalm 27:1) and “I will not fear, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies (I feast and they gaze on powerless!)” from Psalm 23. “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because He trusts in You.” (Isaiah 40 something, I think.)

What do you fear? Are you letting ungrounded fears affect your reality? They don’t need to. Discover the Truth for yourself, and don’t let negative influences or emotions affect your life!

- Kay

Our Job

Being a musician takes a lot of work! J and I always have more on our schedule than we have time to do - or maybe it's because it's the holidays and there are too many distractions - but we are both hard workers and will make it all happen.

It was kind of depressing me tonight... Not many people who look at us think we can be who we see ourselves being - and I think it's because they've forgotten to dream themselves. We are going to be famous for making a difference in people's lives; we are going to be role models cooler and realer than the people you look up to on TV, cooler than the crew in Ocean's Eleven, because we are Real and they are fictional characters. We are going to lead worship for Creation Conference and for the coming revival and write songs to inspire thousands of people, Christian and non-Christian alike. We are going to run a chain of homes and shelters for runaways and prostitutes and raise awareness of the sex slave trade and its evils. We are going to write books - fiction and non-fiction, for children and adults - to proclaim the Good News of the finished work of the Cross. We are going to show the world what it's like to live lives fully committed to following the Holy Spirit's leading and walking in His fruits. We are going to show people how to listen to God's voice.

This is a high calling - an extremely high calling. I don't want to take it lightly. A lot of good people give us a lot of good advice, but we have to decide which directions to go and what constitutes "good" advice and what will side track us from our main goals. We need to understand marketing concepts; we need to look at our long-term goals and short-term goals, constantly re-evaluating our progress, making our deadlines, and creating new daily agendas; we need to be constantly advertising ourselves, who we are and what we do; we need to keep sharpening our skills and being sure we have the best "product" we possibly can; we need to keep writing songs, practicing our instruments, exercising our voices, getting ourselves in the public eye; we need to keep writing inspirational blogs, doing research on many different topics, keeping up with YouTube and podcasts and blogging and the fads within them; and, most importantly, we need to be the best "J" and the best "Kay" we can possibly be. We need to work on our relationship and our communication with each other every day, and on our walk with Jesus.

There's a lot to get done, but a lot more of it is working on who we are; we are, in effect, "selling ourselves" as we let the public into our personal lives.

Following Jesus isn't supposed to be "easy"... but on the other hand, it is, because He carries the load of the stress and tells us simply to follow His leadership. Just do what the Boss says and it will all go perfectly! He is the best Boss we could possibly have - He loves us more than anyone ever could and wants us to succeed more than we do! He has us doing what we love and being who He created us to be every second of every day.

Who could ask for more than that?

- Kay

Dependence

Admitting I need help can be the hardest thing in the world for me. I'm very independent and self-sufficient; I'm usually the one people go to when they need help. But for the past few months, God has been teaching me to let others help me - whether I like it or not! I need to be ok with letting other people serve me, and remember that it makes them feel good when I let them serve me. God has been using J in my life to teach me this, along with several other friends and loved ones.

Another lesson I've been learning from J is that it's very important to take care of myself. "It's like what they say before every flight in an airplane - you need to put on your oxygen mask first and then help those you are with second, or else you might pass out before you can help those who need you!"

I have a tendency to neglect myself and my needs in the name of selflessness, but that isn't right; it's not proving that I'm "tough" or "strong" - it's being careless. I need to take care of myself and "be the best Kay I can be" so that I can fulfill the roles God has made me to fill in the lives of those around me.
Whether it's taking my vitamins, getting enough sleep, or taking time out to think and pray and journal, I need to bring my "A game" to all the situations around me. Being the best "me" I can be is a gift I can give to everyone around me.

Does this sound familiar to any of you? I hope you'll think about how you can really be the best "you" that you can be so you can fulfill the roles God has for you, too!

- Kay

A Christmas Miracle

'Twas the night after Christmas, when J was preparing
For bed at the place where he's watching and caring
for Mishka, a husky, and her friend the cat;
It's a very nice house, I assure you of that!

He called me while getting all ready for bed,
when suddenly realizing something, he said,
that he left all his contact stuff back in his room -
in his house that he won't be at any time soon!

In vain did he look for some saline solution
to moisten the lenses without much dilution,
but all he could find was some old nasal spray,
"Don't use that, I beg you," I started to say,

When then came a memory, smack in my head!
A vision, "The bottle!" I happily said,
"You have what you need in your jeep, look and see,
the cup holder has it, just take it from me!"

-------------------------

On Christmas Eve, I remembered seeing a random travel bottle of contact solution in the cup holder of J's jeep. "That's odd," I thought, "he must've just bought some from the store because he doesn't usually keep it in there." There was a case, too, on the passenger seat, so I threw it into the cup holder next to the bottle.

I totally forgot about it, even as I was helping J think of where to look for contact solution and a case in the place he's house sitting/pet sitting at this week. It wasn't until he mentioned looking for some shot glasses or something to put them in that I remembered - he had what he needed right in his jeep! He had NO CLUE how it got there, hadn't even noticed it at all! He was dubious when I told him to go check in his car, and incredulous when he found it all just as I said!

I went and looked into my purse, and, lo and behold, my contact solution was missing! It must've fallen out of my purse - along with my spare case that I keep there, too - right into the cup holder! I have no clue how they both "just randomly" fell out, and ONLY the two objects that J needed! Now THAT shows me that there are angels watching over us and that God has even the minutest details under control.

It also shows me that J and I make a very good team - I'm good at remembering details and he's good at looking forward to the end goal.

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Thanks for Christmas surprises :)

- Kay

Christmas with a Kay

Merry Christmas, everyone!! It is now 18 minutes into Christmas 2011. This is J's and my first Christmas together and, as most couples know, sharing Christmas with two families can be complicated!

Here's the breakdown for this weekend:

Christmas Eve:

1. Exchanging my gifts with J's family
2. Christmas Eve service
3. Out for dinner with J's family
4. Going home and opening "one" (or 3!) gifts with my family (without J)

Christmas Day:

1. Making my traditional Christmas breakfast (sausage and cheese pockets)
2. Church with my family (since it's on Sunday this year)
3. Exchanging gifts with my family - with 6 siblings and 2 parents, that can take a while! J's coming over for that, too
4. Leave with J at 1:00 to go to his aunt's house (we may be late...)
5. Leave from there to go to my aunt's house with J around 5
6. Party till we drop!

Back and forth, here and there, this and that... There's a lot to do when you combine two families and their traditions. But I'm realizing that it's not a bad thing at all - there's no stress when you realize, this is fun! What's the worst that could happen, I'm a few minutes late to something and my family still loves me? Lol, what's new about that? And it's Christmas, after all... let's enjoy.

I been enjoying every second of it. From rocking J's 6-month-old niece to sleep (almost!), to good conversations over the dinner table, to staying up late with my siblings sharing the anticipation of Christmas morning, every second is ripe with enjoyment. If you don't enjoy it, then it's not worth it!

Ya know, every year I hear about not losing the "reason for the season" amidst all the hustle and bustle of holiday prep, but I think this year, instead of feeling guilty for not thinking enough about the birth of Christ, I'm going to rejoice in the blessings He's given me here and now - always remembering the Giver. How glad He must be to see me rejoicing in the gifts He has given me! That's my favorite part of Christmas, seeing the joy on my family members' faces when they open a gift well chosen. I'm sure God feels the same way.

Thank You, Lord, for the many, many amazing gifts You've given me! I treasure them every day, and even more so during this special weekend.

- Kay

Belief

I've got good news! J and I have successfully completed our first podcast!! Yay! So what we couldn't finish yesterday we got done today. I'm SO glad we didn't let circumstances affect our productivity!

J and I really believe we will succeed in putting up podcasts and vlogs on the internet. Because of that belief, "keeping the end in mind," we persevered and did it! If we got discouraged and let yesterday's experience affect our belief in ourselves and our ability to do what we set out to do, then we wouldn't have been able to accomplish our goal.

That brings me to an interesting topic: belief. What you believe directly affects your reality. I've been thinking a lot about this recently, and talking with J about it. Jesus said we could move mountains with our faith. With our faith! Not with trying super hard or concentrating intensely, but just in the confident belief that that mountain will be moved. Now, I'm not saying positive thinking is the key to success in life - it's all about what (and who) you put your faith in.

There's a lot of talk these days in popular culture and the media that tells you to "believe in yourself." I agree with that statement... to a certain extent. We have far more potential than we give ourselves credit for. God made us with so much more brain capacity than we actually use! Sometimes we're scared to reach our full potential, because we're scared to "try" or we lack the belief or motivation to stretch ourselves to our limits. A lot of times, we should believe in ourselves more. But, in addition to believing in ourselves and our abilities, we need to put our faith in God - He is ultimately the One responsible for any successes in our lives.

With God at our side, how can we do anything but succeed? "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Have a wonderful day - and believe!

- Kay

A Day in the Life

Today was insane. What a day. J & I were both so optimistic about how things would go today. We planned to spend the morning in the studio recording J's first podcast, and the afternoon in the studio finishing my vocals on two of our songs for our CD. We also wanted to upload 2 of those songs on mp3s to our E-junkie account. It was going to be such a productive day!

But… life isn’t always predictable. Actually, it’s, like, never predictable.

9:30am

We got to the studio and had a couple errands to run, got those done. We were all ready to record when we felt out of sorts with each other. J “hadn’t been able to read me” all morning, and I said I was fine, there was nothing to read… because I didn’t know how I was feeling myself, so how could he read me?

That is why think time is SO IMPORTANT!! It’s been a huge theme for our lives recently. Whether you spend think time journaling, praying, or just in quiet with God, it’s a necessity, especially if you are in a relationship, where communication is so important! I hadn't had any think time to myself since I'd woken up, and it was showing.

11:00am

After getting frustrated, we went out to the dock on the lake and talked it through – I so love that about J, he will put everything else aside to deal with the internal stuff going on inside. In fact, we were so successful at getting to the bottom of our frustrations that we “podcasted” about it on J’s phone! He whipped out his phone recorder and we talked about it, making a cool podcast – a sticky situation turned into a blessing! Right?

Wrong. It wasn’t really finished, it was more of a first draft, and there was wind noise too, so we really had to redo it to get it up to par. We had all day though, it was only about noon.

So we set up the studio with the mics and everything when I got ravenously hungry. My phone was dying and I didn’t have my charger, so we decided a break to go to J’s house and grab food and his charger was in order.

1:00pm

Now, here’s something few people know about me: I NEED MEAT. I need protein or bad things happen to my body! I’m very small with a super fast metabolism, and I don’t know what it is, but there’s some kind of meat-and-carb law about my body that if I don’t have both of them, my body freaks out. I feel light-headed and nauseas and kinda like I have a fever, like I have general pain and weakness in my body.

I conveniently forget this fact, even tho my body has tried in vain to drill it into my thick skull! I couldn’t find meat, so I had bread and tomato sauce – all I had for breakfast was a bagel, so about half an hour later I had a weird sugar rush and had to lie down! I felt awful. J and I have found that Boosts (nutrient- and protein-rich drinks) work WONDERFULLY when this happens to me – they are life savers! So he brought me a Boost, I felt instantly better, and fell asleep for an hour. Meanwhile, J did some research on how to market podcasts and the best way to post them online.

4:30pm

After doing some chores for J’s mom, we realized I still needed to get my snowboarding season pass, and had to go in person, so we went to Mountain Creek to do that. We felt like we had the rest of the evening to get stuff done, and we should really pick up my pass before Christmas.

6:00pm

I apparently hadn’t learned my lesson about eating, because on our way home, I got some hash browns from Dunkin Donuts and by the time we got back to the studio, I had another sugar rush and crash. And the Boosts were back at J’s in my car! J quickly scrounged up some ground beef and cooked it on the stove for me – the studio has a kitchen, it's the bottom floor of a house – and I felt better again. Man, my body is SO annoying sometimes!! I guess actually eating a decent meal would help, tho :-P

7:30pm

By now, we still needed to lay my vocals and redo the podcast. While recording me, we realized we couldn’t post those songs tonight – they SO weren’t mixed properly yet, and we want to redo 2 of the songs with our band, so it was pointless to work on them for final tracks at this point. We laid some scratch tracks and moved on.

9:00pm

Onto the podcast… Ok, you have NO IDEA what a struggle that was! Between technical difficulties, tired brains, and frustrated emotions, it was tough, but we persevered. We tried our absolute hardest to put together an awesome podcast for you: explaining who we are as J & Kay, what our goals for our podcasts are, some lessons we’ve been learning. We got some tracks down, in one take, even - THAT'S not the hard part. But the quality of the recording was terrible. Terrible! We couldn’t get the distortion out of the mics, before or after recording. Even redoing what we had just done for the last half hour was pointless because it would just happen again. We were getting too burnt out to keep going, so even tho we're both excessively stubborn, we decided to call it a night and go home.

11:00pm

Now, we’ve left the studio, and I realize that sometimes, you just have to keep on keepin’ on, get yourself out there, and press through the opposition and distractions. Some things you just have to chalk up to experience: we learned a lot tonight, about who we are, how we react in frustrating situations, and how we want to do podcasts in the future. And really, at the end of the day, I can still say this: Following your dreams is worth it every step of the way. And I'd rather do this every day alongside J than do anything else without him.

:)

Never Fear

I've been thinking a lot about fear recently. J has been helping me get to the bottom of my fears. I don't like to think of myself as a fearful person, but sometimes I am in denial of things, and that shows me that I don't want to face something - I'm afraid of it.

I've noticed that fear in my life is often based on lies. If I dissect my fear, really get to the heart of it, I usually find that it's all just smoke and mirrors - there's really nothing there to be afraid of.

So here is my formula for what to do when you’re afraid:

1) Get out a pencil and write out what you are afraid of - really break down your fear. Figure out the branches, stem, and root - make a diagram of it and figure out what the ROOT of the fear is.

2) Analyze the root of your fear. Is there any substance to it? Or is it based on a lie?

3a) If the root of your fear is based on a lie, find the truth statement that combats that lie: for instance, if you believe the lie that no one loves you, remember what God says in Jeremiah 31:3, "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you." Even if it feels like no one loves you, God does. Search for the truth to expose the lies that you believe for what they really are!

3b) If the root of your fear is true, ask yourself what you can do to change it. Hope is never lost! If you really did do a horrible job on your last musical solo, ask someone how you could improve next time, or analyze a video recording of yourself to see how you can do better. If, on the other hand, the solo hasn't happened yet - your fear isn't based on a lie or a truth but on an unknown - ask yourself, "what's the worst that could happen?" If you do horribly on a solo, oh well, there's always next time. If you're afraid about your safety or a loved one, remember that you and they are in God's hands. Find a Bible truth to combat that lie as well.

4) Repeat and remember the truth statements you've memorized. Really analyze every part of them until you know-beyond-know that they are 100% true! Just repeating them isn't enough; you need to be fully convinced that the truth is the truth and that it is true in YOUR life!

PS: There is no fear in love. If you have been thinking about yourself too much, perhaps that is the root of your fear. Do something nice for someone else without expecting anything back or receiving any credit. Start thinking about those you love and how you can make them happy today.

You'll find that, in the face of Truth and Love, the fears and insecurities you were facing won't last long!


Check out J's blog, too - he recently posted about this topic: http://insplore.blogspot.com/

Let me know what you think or if you have any advice for me, too!

- Kay

Our Story, Part 5

A few weeks after Jason and I had our little non-date at the diner, I remember him coming over to me at House of Prayer as I was journalling, and he asked to sit next to me on the floor. We spent a little time journalling together, and a couple from my church came over to greet me warmly. I stood up and was talking to the wife when another dear woman from HOP came over and gave me a hug. "I love this girl so much!" she said. "Whoever God has for you to marry is going to wake up every morning thanking God for giving him this beautiful princess," or something like that. I blushed, hoping Jason was far enough away and engrossed enough in his journalling that he didn't hear.

By the time I sat back down to journal again, J had gotten up to worship or journal elsewhere. I was ok with that; he was my friend, I was comfortable if he wanted to hang around but fine if he didn't. I kept journalling.

Well That Was Awkward

I was doing Night Watch at this time, going to bed at 6am and waking up around 2:30 in the afternoon. Me and my darling cousin Hope were interns with 3 others who "kept the fire on the altar" and spent the night hours praying, worshipping, studying the Bible on our own, journalling, and keeping the doors open so people could come and pray in the night & early morning hours.

On Tuesday, I woke up and texted my best friend, Fee. "Jason's such a sweet guy. He journals just like me, and he wants to visit youth group to see Franki!" (Franki was one of our mutual friends at my church's youth group). UNFORTUNATELY, I was also texting Jason at the same time, about the next day's worship set, and I got mixed up and sent the text to the wrong person!! Jason got the message that I think he's a sweet guy!

I was SO embarrassed, I apologized to J, telling him what happened and he said it was no big deal, he's done that before, it's an easy mistake to make. I remember shrieking into my pillow at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, sleeping over Hope's house, waking her up and going ballistic. "I can't believe I just did that!!! Do you think he thinks I like him??" Hope was like, "You're over-reacting, Kristina, I'm sure it's going to be just fine," as she rolled groggily out of bed. It took me a while to get over it, but looking back, it really wasn't as big of a deal as it seemed!

The Call

The next day, Jason and I were there alone to lead the day time set again. I don't think anyone came. We sang together, and then I left for the mission where I volunteered (Wednesday was my volunteer day). I forget specifics about that day, but after a long day of waking up "early" (12:30), leading worship, and doing the after-school program at the mission, I took a nap around 9pm before heading into "work" at midnight for the Night Watch shift. (It was kinda a crazy season of my life. But I loved every minute of it!)

During my nap, I got a phone call from J, but I was too tired to answer. About twenty minutes later, I couldn't really fall back asleep so I listened to his voicemail. He said he had a question for me, and sounded like he was nervous and trying not to be. I felt bad for him, he sounded so sweet, I didn't want him to be on pins and needles waiting for my call. So I called him back... wondering if the question was what I thought it was, but also not really expecting it to be.

I told him I had been napping but got his voicemail. He pretty much got right to the question: "So, I was wondering, if I could take you to dinner sometime?" I was surprised how much I just took this in stride, since I'd never been asked out by someone I was actually really interested in before. "Well, what are your intentions?" I asked him. "I'd like to get to know you better," he answered. "I would like that. But anyone who wants to take me out to dinner has to get my dad's permission first. I'm kinda old-school that way." I was thinking, 'This is it; if he thinks I'm old-school, whatever, but he has to pass this test.'

He replied, "I'm up for that, that sounds great. When can I talk to him?" That was the first time I got a taste of J's "whatever it takes I'm willing to go for it" attitude. I really love that about him!

We tried to schedule a night, realizing Friday nights would probably be best - remember, I was doing Night Watch and a million other things. My family has Movie Night every Friday and it's always an open invitation to have friends over, so I felt like it was the least awkward way of having J meet my dad. He agreed. BUT, I had events going on the next 3 weeks, so it would have to be almost a month before he could ask my dad! He was ok with that, too.
---------------------------------------------------

What would it be like to hang out with him in this in-between stage, when we weren't going out but we knew we might?

I'll be looking at the moon

One night a couple weeks ago, after recording until we were exhausted, J & I drove to his house in our separate cars. It was midnight, and a bright, nearly-full moon was out, accompanied by many stars.

It was brisk, but not cold. As I gathered my purse and keys from my van, J opened the door and ushered me into the still night air.

"I'll be looking at the moon... but I'll be seeing... you... " the mellow tones from one of our favorite old classics streamed from his open jeep door. "Care to dance?" he asked me with a whimsical smile, twirling me around.

We slow-danced to the gentle tune in the middle of his quiet street, telling each other how much we love and appreciate each other. It was very sweet.

The lake shimmered under the soft starlight. The moon had run away, but that didn't matter to us anymore. It was a magical time. J's sweetness and authenticity brought tears to my eyes.

"Where did you come from?" I asked him, shaking my head at the wonder of it. J smiled down at me lovingly. It was our favorite part of a wonderful day.

JandKay.com revamped and other updates

It's been an extremely busy couple of weeks for J & me at our jobs, and this weekend we are playing at 3 venues to boot!

Friday night we are performing at Rock the Mountain Cafe, an open mic hosted by Scott Carmichael. This is always a fun event, with free admission, free food, and great music!

Saturday, Oct. 22, we will be at the 3rd annual "Night Music," doing some of our own stuff and collaborating with Scott Carmichael and Nick Padovani. The evening starts at 6:30 with a silent auction, then continues at 7:00 with contemporary, country, folk, and classical music. Wanna come? You should!

For more info on these events, visit www.JandKay.com/#!gigs.

Then from Sunday-Tuesday we are once again leading the worship for Young Life's Staff Retreat. It's such an honor that they have asked us back!

J and I have been working on our new website format, vamping it up. Check out www.JandKay.com and let us know what you think. We also have mobile formatting so check us out on your smart phones!

Things are going swimmingly for J & me in our personal lives. However, last week was a very difficult week for us: because of work, we didn't get to see each other for 8 days straight - I think that's a record! But we've made it a point to schedule a date night on Monday (tomorrow), which we are both super looking forward to!! :-)

Blessings!

~ Kay

Travels and Adventures

J & I have been busy with four gigs in 2 weekends! Last Saturday we played for a wedding reception party, then on Sunday we played at the Ethereal Lineage El Salvador Benefit Concert. Last night, we played ukulele music for a luau at Bald Eagle Commons, and tonight (8/21/11), check us out at Mountain Creek Waterpark’s Christian Concert! The concert is from 5-8, but we will be performing from 6:15-6:45. Hope to see you there! There is a $5 cover charge.

J and I have been travelling the country! He got to meet my very dear Verity friends at Bekah and Cameron's wedding in Illinois. Then a few weeks later we traveled across the country to Washington State for his friend Ryan's wedding. Ryan's family rented out a mansion with a medieval theme so all of his visiting friends could stay there. It felt like we were living in a castle! The first few nights, I got to stay in the "tower room," all the way up at the top, and J stayed in the "wizard room" all the way down in the dungeon. It was so much fun! One night, everyone in the house dressed up in the costumes provided throughout the castle and we all took pictures. There were around 30 people staying there all told. The place was called Woodhaven Castel and you can find it online at http://woodhavencastle.com/.

One day in Washington we took a hike in the mountains with Ryan and some of our friends. What an amazing experience! The rich evergreens, the steep drops, the snow-crested peaks all told us we weren't in NJ anymore. Along the way, we crossed many glacier streams, explored a cave, had an icy snowball fight, and discovered the wreckage of an airplane! The twisted fuselage looked SO out of place among the natural beauty of the Granite Mountains. We also did a decent amount of rock climbing and boulder-jumping.... I discovered that I have a fear of descending off steep rocks - i'm not afraid to climb up them, but it's hard to climb down safely! No one was hurt, thank God - besides a bunch of mosquito bites from the hoards around the wreckage! Lol, that was the only place we saw bugs anywhere – probably because they were all gathered in that one boggy place!

It was approximately an 11-mile hike round-trip, over steep terrain, but all 8 of us did it, and did it well! Becky and I were the only girls who braved the trails :) It was a trip we will never forget!

Our most recent adventure was in St. Louis visiting J's sister, Sam, and her new baby. She and her husband suggested J and I check out the Loft Museum downtown, and let me tell you, if you are ever in St. Louis you HAVE to check it out!!! That museum is like nothing we had ever seen in our lives. It's basically a humongous playground for kids and adults! It's laid out more like a shopping mall than a museum, 11-stories tall, and once you buy your day pass you are on your own! Exploring is not only encouraged but a necessity as you discover something new around every corner. Besides the expected artifacts and antiques of any museum, this one also has a skateboard-less skate park (kids were going crazy everywhere, running and sliding on half-pipes and ramps!), with a labyrinth beneath it! You enter standing and end up kneeling, then crawling, and even sliding your way around twists and turns, taking forks in the road and wondering if the next opening will get bigger or smaller.

Another huge attraction is their outdoor "jungle gym" - like nothing you've ever seen before in your life! The spiral ladders and stairs lead higher and higher several stories to an airplane suspended in the air, a truck cockpit, and several steep and awesome slides.

One of the main attractions is a 10-foot slide… which J and I actually found quite uncomfortable. It was a spiral slide made out of old metal from the shoe factory the museum used to be. You end up kinda awkwardly helping yourself along, trying not to let your shoulder or hip get bruised by the side of the slide. But hey, can anyone else say THEY have gone on a 10-foot slide?? I think that’s an awesome thing to be able to say. And if YOU can say that, too, send me a comment and tell me about it! 

The best part of the slide, though, was that you exit smack dab in the middle of indoor caverns! J and I spent quite some time trying to find our way out of the caves just to get back to the museum! It was super-awesome, we felt like real adventurers.

Yeah… J and I are just big kids at heart, and for all you never-gonna-grow-up types out there, remember the St. Louis City Museum! It’s a blast. You can check it out at http://www.citymuseum.org/about.html

Keep visiting the site to hear more J & Kay adventures, coming soon! J

Our Story, Part 4

On another Wednesday, Jason asked me and Richie if we wanted to go out to eat, but neither of us could - I needed to go tutor at the after-school mission I volunteered at. But I told him, "maybe next week." I was half only being polite, but I like going out to eat, too, and sometimes I'd do that just as friends with guys - once or twice, not very often. NOT as a date.

So the next week he asked again, and this week, Richie wasn't there, and the Mission was closed, so I didn't have an excuse. I thought about it for a second, and said, "ok.... I know a good diner around here."

And so, we went to the diner. We talked all about our dreams and goals and what we were doing in life and my volunteering and how we each came to know God in a real way - and I knew he liked me then. I'd been putting it out of my mind before. And then he paid for me! At first, I was like, "Jason!" but he insisted.

As soon as we left, I called Fee. "What does that mean?? Was that a date?? What am I gonna do??" She was like, "Do you like him?" and I was like, "I don't know!" and she was like, "No, it wasn't a date, I pay for people all the time; if he didn't call it a date, it wasn't a date. If he hasn't asked you out or said anything yet, don't blow it out of proportion - just wait and see." "Ok...." I responded, hesitantly. I did not want to mess up in the area of relationships - I'm just that kinda person. I wanted God's best and God's best only!

So I chilled out. But.... I was kinda excited, too! I didn't feel ready to start a relationship at the time... or so I thought.... but, with Jason, now that might be a different story... if God had that in mind. :)

To Be Continued.....

Satisfaction

Why do I feel dissatisfied?

God, if You are all that I need, why do I feel like what I’m looking for is slipping through my fingers? I have so much, so very, very much that makes me happy, that brings me joy. Why is there still a “more” that I’m after?

God is all I need. When I have Him, I never need to thirst again. I never NEED to. But sometimes, I choose to.

Sometimes, He lets me feel dissatisfied. He does this for two reasons: 1) to purify me from “idols” in my life that I’m letting become more important to my heart than God is, and 2) to whet my appetite for the amazing joys of heaven!

Think of how boring life would be without anticipation. Part of the awesomeness of Christmas is that it only comes once a year - and there’s so much anticipation building up to it! Marriage is like that, too – you meet someone, then you’re friends, then you’re in a relationship, then you’re engaged, then you get married! Sometimes, it’s an awfully long journey to get there – but that’s part of the awesomeness, isn’t it?

That’s how it is with heaven, and the great Marriage of the Lamb. He’s anticipating it, even though He knows the end from the beginning, and His Bride – us – we are anticipating that day, too! It’s a great thing.

Do you ever just long for heaven? Sometimes I long for heaven… for justice… for joy to fully come to the brokenhearted… for things to be as they should be… and, most of all, to see Jesus, face to face, in His majesty and glory, reigning as King! How awesome will it be when He comes to reign on the New Earth?? So awesome!!

As for Point Number One… yes, sometimes I get distracted from the truth by lies, and by “idols” in my heart that I turn to more than I turn to God. Sometimes I forget who I really am, who my Father really is, that I have EVERYTHING I need, right now. Sometimes, I forget that Jesus said “whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life” (John 4:14, NKJV).

So why do I “feel” like I thirst, when I have Him? Do I only have “part” of Jesus? NO! I have all of Him. “…to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Eph. 3:19). What a cool verse, right?? ALL the fullness of God – we have it, because we know the love of Christ, through accepting His payment of His death on the Cross in our place!! (Check out the passage in context, it's super awesome!)

The reason I feel like I thirst is that I don’t swallow. He has given me His Living Water (see John 4:10), and I NEVER need to thirst again, but sometimes I don’t drink it! I’m so used to going thirsty, sometimes His water is, like, too much for me. Sometimes – I don’t know why, it’s delusional – I like feeling icky. I need to renew my mind – I need to remember who I really am in Christ and what He’s really done for me and how I can change the world through Him for good! I never need to feel thirsty again!

So...... Drink Up! :)

“Any time you start to want Me, know you’ve already got Me, all of Me in you!"

 - from Living Water, by J & Kay

Music Night at the Pavilion Lounge, June 17th!

You are all cordially invited to the sensational J & Kay Music Night, June 17th, at the Pavilion Lounge in Budd Lake! Featured artists include Ethereal Lineage, Wendy Dransfield, Maggie Mae Gallman, Brynen Sosa, Matt Russo, Corey Perez, Christina Limos, and of course, J & Kay. To cover the costs and support the bands, there will be a $10 suggested donation at the door. The Pavilion Lounge is a great place to relax, destress, and enjoy live music and great food! So come on out and see us live!!!!

Lookin' forward to seeing you there!

- Kay

Our Story, Part 3

So one day, at the Wednesday set, my best friends, Fee and Peter, came to worship and to listen to us sing. Richie wasn't there, it was only Jason and me, and after worship we chilled out and talked a bit. I played a song I had written - and noticed Jason loving it - and Jason played a song he and a friend had recorded together off his laptop. I asked if anyone was hungry and we decided to go out to Chili's - all four of us.

At the restaurant, I sat in the booth next to Jason - Fee and Peter didn't really know him, and I was kinda the link in the group, so it made sense. We had a nice meal, and we got to know Jason better - talked a bit about what he was working on as worship leader at Journey Church - but I felt like Peter and I did most of the talking (Fee was having a quiet day, lol). When we were done, we got up and Jason held my coat for me - he held my coat for me!! I was like, ok, what does he mean by that?? I made a face to Fee, like, "don't even go there," and she just laughed at me. I hoped the guys hadn't noticed.

To Be Continued....

Our Story, Part 2

So, one day at HOP, Jason asked me if I'd like to record with him on a CD he and his friend were making. They needed a female voice on some of the songs. I told him that would be cool, I'd heard one track from the CD and being a part of that project sounded awesome! We set a night to get together.

He told me it would be easiest to meet at his house and drive together, so we met there. I was a little early, so we went inside and... I met his parents! I was like, "hm, I think I know what's going on here... I wonder if he's nervous about me meeting his parents for the first time. Am I nervous?" I realized I did want to make a good impression. So I was as "Kristina-ish" as I could be. We talked casually about what I was doing in life, my family, etc. Afterward, Jason was like, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to be an interrogation; I just wanted to go in and get us some tea." I told him it was no problem, I liked his parents and thought they were cool, it was nice talking with them.

We left for Oliver's house (the guy who was making his CD), where J introduced me. We had a blast recording! It was easy for me to do just what they needed, they said my voice was great and really added to the song!

Now, it was winter; very snowy, and very icy. I had parked in Jason's driveway, so when we got back to his house, he walked me to my van. (My van's name is Otie, by the way, named after the yellow dog in Garfield, remember him?) We stood there in the driveway, finishing our conversation, looking at the beautiful winter sky and noting how gorgeous the tree branches looked coated in ice. He had been such a gentleman all night, giving me his arm so I wouldn't slip on the ice, complimenting my singing with Oliver, listening and being respectful in all our conversations. We had a great time talking about God too, about our desires to lead worship and bring people to know Him, envisioning God bringing revival. I looked at him and for the first time consciously thought, "I could totally fall for this guy." I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not, but I figured God would let me know His will, in His time.

He opened my van door and I got in as he walked back to the house. Unfortunately... as I took off the parking brake and tried to back up his steep driveway, Otie rolled forward, toward his mom's PT Cruiser!! I put the brakes on, put the parking brake back on, and asked Jason for help. "Um.... my car can't get up the ice!" He tried as well, and the same thing happened.

"Lemme get my dad, I think that's our best bet." His dad was so kind, he got up out of bed to come help us! We decided to rope my rear axle to the bumper of Jason's Jeep Wrangler and drag it out with the Jeep. It worked! Lol.... that was the beginning of what we call the "Otie Adventures." My poor van has a propensity to get into trouble!

But I made it home safely... contemplating what the future might hold where Jason Roe was involved.

To Be Continued.....

Opportunities Galore

What a busy weekend! J and I sang at Rock the Mountain Cafe's premiere open mic night on Friday! We had an awesome time performing some of our songs and networking with other local musicians and songwriters. So much talent in one place!

On Saturday morning we left for the Young Life Regional Leaders' Conference at Woodloch Resort in Pennsylvania. What an honor to lead worship for this group! J had auditioned in Harlem, NYC and was asked shortly after to be the worship leader for this event - and he asked if I could go along to help! Of course they said yes. We led 4 worship sets, Saturday-Monday, and had a great time at a beautiful location. Hopefully this will lead to more opportunities to lead worship at some of Young Life's many summer camps!

We've also been working with Kenn on hosting our exciting Music Night at the Pavilion Lounge, June 17th!! We have been in contact with several other talented musicians in the area and we will all be performing at the Lounge in Budd Lake for this special night. So put June 17th on your calendars and get ready for music that will blow your mind!!

We bought the domain for JandKay.com!!!! So we've been working hard on that, getting it up and running. Check it out!! JandKay.com

Thanks, Lord, for so many outstanding opportunities to influence those around us for good through music :)

- Kay

Divine Appointment

God is an amazing Networker!! He totally set us up with this awesome Christian musician, Kenn, who mentors musicians just starting out, like us! We got in contact with him through Sonicbids online. He has his own recording studio - which we are welcome to anytime!! - and has SO much advice from his life experiences to share. We spent over 2 hours with him this morning, just picking his brain, making some game plans, and hearing testimonies of God's work in his life and how He uses him to witness to and minister to secular musicians around the world - just as we hope to do one day :)

Kenn has also been playing/hosting bands at the Pavilion Lounge in Budd Lake, where he has welcomed us to play, so keep on the lookout for upcoming dates and events!

This was truly a divine appointment! Can't wait to see what happens next as God's plan unfolds - and all we've gotta do is take the Next Right Step, trust Him, and listen for His voice.

He's so amazing. We love Jesus soooo much. Thank You, Lord!

Our Story - Part 1

"It was a dark and stormy night...." oh, sorry, got carried away! Didn't mean to tell that kind of story :) But i thought you might like to hear how J and I met and how J & Kay got started. It's really pretty sweet, if I do say so myself. But be warned - we had very little to do with any of it. This is really God's story, and J and I are watching it unfold as much as anyone else. I love it :)


So, I sing on stage at the Resting Place House of Prayer in West Paterson, NJ on Monday nights. One particular Monday last summer, the other singers had all left the stage to go pray for people and I was the only one left holding down the fort. J went up to one of the leaders and asked if he could hop up and sing - a fairly regular occurrence at these worship nights. It's very chill. So up hops this kid in a white tee shirt, who has a surprisingly good ear for harmony and a really nice voice. He's also kinda cute - ok, really cute - but I wasn't looking. My mind was on Jesus, and that's it. He'd have to hit me on the head with a spiritual baseball bat if He wanted me to start thinking about starting a relationship. This guy sure did have a nice smile tho..... ;-)


During an instrumental break, he reaches out his hand and introduces himself to me. "Hi, I'm Jason," he told me. "I'm Kristina, nice to meet you." "Very nice to meet you too," he replies. I'm like, I think he might like me. Alrighty, I'll have to be on my guard. Not an uncommon occurrence - guys are often interested in me when we first meet. The feeling's not always mutual.


Later I found out J's thoughts: "Wow, she's really pretty, and what a voice!! - oh wait, I'm in a relationship, never mind." He was already dating a girl at the time, so he put me out of his mind. For the time being.


He and his girlfriend broke up not long after that, and he kept coming to the HOP, as we call it. I'd see him from the stage sometimes, walking into the worship meeting. Didn't think too much about it. About 3 months passed.


One night, me and my 15-year-old buddy Paul made Columbian "bunuelos" and brought them to the Tuesday night HOP meeting. I rarely, if ever, go to Tuesday nights. Guess who else "happened" to be there that night, who also never goes? You got it - Jason. I'd forgotten his name, but we invited him and the other few who were there to share our bunuelos in the back. We all started talking about missions trips we'd been on and conferences we'd been to, and J was so interested in everything I said - I knew he liked me then. But I didn't feel aversion to the idea, and he wasn't rude at all. Just very open, to any perceptive person, about his interest in me. I also mentioned that me and Richie did worship at HOP on Wednesdays from 12-2pm for the only "daytime set" Resting Place offered. Jason was interested in coming to that, since he was a worship leader himself - now, a lot of people have said they would like to come to that set and never do, so I didn't think much of it. In fact, a little "i bet you'd like to come to get to know me better" might've crossed my mind. But it left quickly and I didn't think about it. I know, I know, I'm weird!! Most girls would jump at a cute guy's interest in them. But I'm not like that - I was waiting for the right one and didn't want distractions.


About a month later I came back from an out of state wedding and Richie told me on Wednesday that he hadn't been alone the week before, that kid Jason Roe had come, too, and played guitar. "Which one is Jason again?" I asked, not yet putting two and two together. The next week, however, J came again, and I realized it was White Tee Shirt boy, as I called him in reference once before. :) Hey, he'd wear them pretty often, and I didn't know much else about him! lol


J kept coming faithfully to Wednesdays, and me and him and Richie would have some cool talks about God and life and stuff while cleaning up and hanging out afterwards. I thought he was a cool guy - very happy, which might've been fake but I couldn't tell yet. But he had a great personality and an awesome, worshipful heart after God. I liked hanging out with him and Richie - Jason was ok in my book, so far... as a friend.


To be continued....